Demonstrating Restraint

Sometimes people want to murder their own family and friends. In fact, it happens more frequently then you might think. Statistics show that you're more likely to be killed by a close family member on Christmas Eve than any other time. That does not link to any statistics, by the way. I know Christmas seems far away, but don't get too comfortable — you might get yours tonight.

I wanted to murder a close friend this weekend, but providence won the day. I was helping him move into a fourth-floor walk-up, and after fifteen or so trips (wherein I diagnosed myself with tachycardia, smelled hamburger helper, heard top-volume reggaeton & devised several clever methods for getting boxes up stairs quickly), I elected to pour myself a beer. He rose from the floor where he was idly fiddling with audio equipment and unironically said, "Yo man — how about more carrying and less drinking?" 

I considered throwing the glass at his head, trying to push him out the window, or taking a flying leap feet-first into his pile of high-dollar electronics. Instead, I took a deep breath, drank my beer, and continued carrying boxes. See? See?